Friday, 24 June 2016


it used to be so nice
it used to be so good 

this is a slow roast

there's a whisper in the trees
in an open northern ontario sky
in late summer

the stars are shifting into early morning
it's a full moon still visible - crisp and clear


it's twilight
a misty fog on the river
as the chill meets the thrill
and an animal screams
in the distance

for it's life

 S  O  S


shivers up my spine - looking out - WTF was THAT?
something out of a horror movie - shaking in my soiled seat

only THIS is real
 consumed by nature - a rapid-fire rapture ravishing
requieted love lost then found - reborn
out of nowhere ravaging my religion

releasing my remorse
feeling her pain

I am reminded of another place - earlier on
a place of creature comforting colouring crayons
mommy singing me to sleep
drifting peacefully

"there'll be bluebirds over, the white cliffs of dover
tomorrow when the world is free"

"mommy - are the monsters going to come back tonight?"
no dear - monsters aren't real

go to sleep now


warm - not afraid - trusting all of it
only because you are here
my instincts, my love - the universe will take care of you
saying that to myself over and over 
numbing the nightmare

that keeps me awake

after she turns off the light
and I roll over - the same gentle kiss on my cheek
in always the same spot

always reminding her to leave the door open a crack
smiling - "yes dear ... good night" 

more please
thank you mommy

"goodnight beautiful"

it's the last thing I hear
away from the mayhem - away from the haze
Sudbury Ontario - 1960 - waking in the twilight zone
staring at the window opened half way designed draperies wavering

in the soft incoming wind
sleep walker

pulling them aside looking out - still stars  
with Dabo, my stuffed monkey in my arms
at 4 - barely thinking - protected

slipping into slumber
in and out



grow up boy
reality returning
Daddy's watching

mosquito bite? - laughing "sheeit - you have no fucking idea kid"
smacking my arm - sitting by what's left of the fire
fading to black, then blacker

he's firing a live semi-automatic rifle
into the night sky
bam bam bam
 "take that you fucking bitch"

turning and looking down at me 
"the sooner you learn to grow the fuck up
the better", slurping down his 9th beer 
on a Tuesday night - now morning

bloodbath squish on my bare arm and now?
a familiar itch - they say there's a black river witch
looking back around 


alone again

even he, is gone 
that happens a lot 
unless I feed it 

scratching it while she collapses, paralysed
open wounds in a capture kill, single round
designed in something
I could never understand

why?  do we need to kill each other


ok, you're in nature and you're hungry
living off the land and need meat/protein
got it - but why why why
do we kill each other
the harassment
even on our


why do we hurt

because it feels good
to inflict pain 



I'm thinking it's a power thing
Mom and Dad fighting all the time
power and sex - so right
what's that all about?

ok, let's do business 
everybody wants something
you got it and they want it - whatever - could be charisma
could be virtue, joy, money - could be something that they'll never have

unless they steal it

could be something they want that you got
and if you don't give it up

it's all over
you surrender

I'm confused
don't know what to do
mommy - where are you

do I
fight or give up?

I need help


there's a whisper in the trees
in an open northern ontario sky

it's ok
you are going to be ok
trust me

shaking, face down in the dirt
buried and bleeding
damaged and deceived
looking up at her  

why?? - my son 

because you believe in it
that thing that you think you can't control
only you can

stepping out of bed again, and walking toward the half open window
flannel pyjamas - tiny toes taking small steps scared
pulling back the drapes that only make the dark darker
looking out and realizing that the universe will in fact
take care of me - should I let her in

that I will be safe again
that I will love again
that I will breathe


I really believe that

and in that one last look of wonder
sensing everything out there - that stirs in the world

 so as it should

letting go

O  S

dedicated to Jo Cox

Saturday, 11 June 2016

passive aggressive

Maverick is a word which appeals to me more than misfit
Maverick is active - misfit is passive

Alan Rickman

p a s s i v e   a g g r e s s i v e

I hear your SOS on the radio

passive-aggressive is often seen in
people who have not learned how to express
their feelings, needs and desires to others

Woodstock is the "friendly city"
large enough in that anything and everything
one could ever need or want
is just a few minutes away
and small enough that 
everyone knows


South-western Ontario is a peaceful place
where time comes and goes in a dreamy daze
one day after another after another
year after year 

people here get good jobs
and learn to fit in
winters are cold and summers are warm
the soft smell of pork charring on the barbeque
kids laughing and playing in the new plastic pool
that mom and dad picked up on sale at Wal-Mart
$39.95 - half price!

life is - good



neighbours chatting over the back fence
about how Donny just got accepted at Fanshawe College

and Maddy (just turned 17) becoming
lead cheerleader at Huron Park Secondary
this is a huge leap for her
well with her history
(not spoken but both thinking)

and Bradley Junior - a late-comer - only 5
splashing in the pool, turning the hose 
on his friend Josh
(smiles all around)  

so ya - everything is good here
so how's Brad doing with the new job at Toyota?
big money now eh? - you guys thinking about 
a vacation this year?

ah without the kids? - wink

Mexico again?  I hear there's a wonderful new casino
in Acapulco - no, money's tight this year, maybe next year 

looking at her watch - ah geez gotta go 

Ya it's Brad's night out with the boys tonight
you know - the "Thursday night meeting"
they call it - (tight laugh - forced smile)

dopers - I mean when the fuck
are these guys going to grow the fuck up?
(not spoken but both thinking)

Ya well - the boys do need to get out once in a while
blow off a little steam ya?
ya there's drinkin' and stuff 
no bother to me - I'm sound asleep
when he comes in
(tight laugh)

falling down drunk 
and smells like a fucking brewery
(not spoken but both thinking)

5 teen suicides in 2 months here
word is - over 30 more who tried to
and kids are really scared

they're walking down to city hall tomorrow
all 5 high-schools are joining into one
in some attempt to make sense
of all this sadness
I think it's a good idea

Facebook groups
and concerned adults who want to do 

I mean OK - everything is going to be OK
it's just a phase that kids go through right?
we went through it and learned how to cope
and kids these days - geez with the internet
and all these frikkin video games
(tight laugh - forced smile)

We're meeting at the church every Wednesday night
and we're talking about it now - parents
with troubled kids - you should come
they need help you know
(single tear forming) 

no, Brad doesn't come - game night
but I go - I mean - it's our duty

looking at her watch 

Maddy is ok, I mean she's getting good grades
and isn't hanging with that bad crowd anymore
she's happy and has a new boyfriend
Terry is the quarter-back on the Huskies
his first year at Western University coming up
Engineering - good kid and ya - he's a looker!

quiet giggle

yep, I'm thinking they'll be settling into one of those new houses
off Devonshire before long
have 3 kids (just like we did) and Maddy will live 
happily after ever 

(a brief departure - a quiet thought)  

maybe she's getting it
I know I'm not - my husband hasn't touched me in months

so ya - gotta go - supper you know - Thursday night meeting right?
Brad's fun night and he'll want supper on the table right at 6
(tight laugh - forced smile)

ah geez no, the kids don't eat with us anymore
they're so busy with other things 

Maddy's got a date with Terry - go team go!
stepping away

oh Linda - Gail just posted the video that Madeline Merlo did for us 
you know - the beautiful singer from Vancouver

(Linda does not own a computer)

amazing voice - wow!
she's been through the pain too
and wants us to know
that she's thinking
about us 

so sweet

it's on the YSP Youth Suicide Prevention
in Woodstock facebook page

yeah, join up and like all the posts
everyone is really pumped
we're spreading the message

kids who need our help are
just a call away 

this is all about everyone working together
to make it all work right 

from a distance

p a s s i v e   a g g r e s s i v e

I mean ok, let's face it ... we can't all be perfect
but anything is possible - if we can just learn to stand tall 
and try just a little harder

it's ok, to not be ok

she (this angel) wrote this song
for us - so perfect

so beautiful

so come on pick up your phone
don't have to face it


dedicated to the young people who took their own lives 
in Woodstock Ontario, between April and June 2016

Maverick is a word which appeals to me more than misfit. Maverick is active, misfit is passive. Alan Rickman
Read more at:
Maverick is a word which appeals to me more than misfit. Maverick is active, misfit is passive. Alan Rickman
Read more at:
Maverick is a word which appeals to me more than misfit. Maverick is active, misfit is passive. Alan Rickman
Read more at: