Saturday, 2 January 2016

healer two

"be faithful in small things
because it is in them - that your strength lies"

Mother Teresa

h e a l e r   t w o

wisdom creeps in
from time to time
these crusty walls remind me
of you

writhing on a cold cement floor
cracks crackling beneath you
gasping for oxygen
must keep

ok, i see things
it's an assumption

right - fundamentally?
we're all equal - embedded in the constitution - written down
here in North Umurica especially - then there's "karma" 
then there's reality - the judgements - the walls of shame 
the psychopaths we've worked under - slept with

hanging on to our squishy hope on a rope  
dangling in the media maze
welcome to the fear factory

centuries of criminal behavior 
conditionally condoned

you're upside down and then
you are right side up

adverse conditions creating chaos - abort alpha one charlie delta fox 
i'm going down - mayday - mayday - mayday
"requesting an emergency rescue evac - unknown co-ordinates 
on fire - crash and burn scenario subject seduction - with respect
just get your ass into the situation - now sir"

i need a healer

"a man is but the product of his thoughts 
what he thinks, he becomes"

Mahatma Gandhi 

going down in flames
little chance of recovery
fading voices - shadowy shape shifters
downward spiral - blunt force

looking up 

into smoke - fire - your face appears
reverberation - condemnation into redemption
a shady relapse into consciousness - maybe
who are you - where did you come from

why are you here

she lies next to me in silence - shields down - surrender 
darkened room - in port - docked - respite repair
only it's a haze - a dream - years ago with her
is this real

in our bedroom - early on, before the departure
only it's now - odd - I'm cold, shivering

reaching over and touching my wounded shoulder during intimacy
when time stood still - before anything mattered - this
 a genuine gesture that feels good - caring
in war crimes - realizing time is short

in this moment - stillness

h e a l e r   t w o


a tear tears a hole
glistening in the lamplit lantern darkness
cradling the candle

"you - are a healer"  whispering - a simple acknowledgement 
spoken quietly in the presence of grace and humility
empathy - compassion - deliverance - she receives the message in form
no expectation - only loving, accepting resolve - nothing matters
only what is right here - right now ... you are everything
and you are nothing

"shhhhhhh - close your eyes now - sleep dear"

Kveikjum varðeld, þá að komi kvöld
Og orðin bíðum bláköld
Við reisum aftur á sifurskjól
Og vindur undan frá

let's light a bonfire, when it's evening
and words wait blue-cold
let's build again a silver shelter
and winds from underneath

that caress along my receding hair line at thirty
that soft kiss on my cheek - drifting
into that sweet slumber  - ah
home with you

it's a return to something that happened
a long time ago - in a land
far far away

I remember you
when you were

"the wound ... is the place where the light enters you"


no attachment - no shame - no pretension - no fallout 
no "discussion" - a welcomed default position where there is
no need to pretend and/or hide behind anything

no lies, no distractions

no cruel constructions  - no halls of fame - no prescription lenses
it's simple, i think - it's all about "listening" (not speaking)  
the truth ultimately unfolds in receiving information
taking it in gently

some people make you feel good - inspired - healthy
and others make you feel sick - it's a power thing

to prove something

starting with mom and dad - a negotiation in numbness - carrying on later
gutter garbage - kept in a box in our creepy closet - years pass
the relentless ramifications in retarded rules

karmic attraction - why are we so connected like this
I'm sick and you still  love me


(thinking ... I'm supposed to learn something here)

Þrjú lagst út
Og reitum til alls tiðna
Út allt, allt út

three laid out
and fields of everything melted
out all, all out

when she walks into a room  
my heart goes bing - bang - boom - "mommy"!
waking from a dream at 5am - heart pounding - so real OMG 
so right there - i could touch her - shivering shaking
i remember now

my pillow soaked in saliva and tears - it smells
my sweaty sheets drenched in overworked mind play
can't sleep now - awake until the morning light

awesome dream - nonetheless - thinking - staring
into a dark room that only reminds me of mortality
hours turning into days, years
wondering - what if
hours and hours in somnia - in mourning 
remembering - reality
she's gone

we all are conditioned to give and take according to the plan
braised on high heat from the very beginning - barbequed chicken - monsanto
grain fed
 deliciously sauced and served with a side of their choice 

the daily posturing - elevated success - breakthrough yet again
or so we think - rest and reflection rules - the jugular juggler
distant distraction - losing focus for a split second - shit
balls falling randomly to the floor - and yet still - catching calmness
we all make mistakes - we all have regrets - we're human

making amends

we deserve forgiveness
into the light



i've been thanking myself a lot lately - it works - thank you

for staying true to who i am
for not always submitting to my predisposed demise
for letting myself breathe again - for allowing myself to be alive  
thank you - actually saying it out loud to myself
it's amazing - acknowledging self - ongoing
praising wisdom

it's not easy but it's doable - a return to the senses 
back to natural order - peace - and so

when i work out - thank you
when i eat an organic salad - thank you
when i show spontaneous compassion towards someone - thank you
when i take care of myself
I take care of everyone

the healer is a conduit of electrical energy 
seen externally but realized internally
embracing fear and the unknown - knowing that life can be fair 
despite the odds

for some it's religion - for others it's just faith 
for others - it's a simple good nights sleep
awakening into resolution and refreshment  
for me it's all of the above

i am thank-full - yes god - the affirmation
the adoration returning

thank you

we are still children - who need to be loved
we are still teenagers - who need to be loved
we are still adults - who need to be loved

we all become old and nimble
ashes to ashes - dust to dust - i want to say it again - please
just one more time - only this time - meaning it
"i do"

only this time, I will kiss you

and so dear friends - a coming of ages
late in the game - a game changer
better late than never

h e a l e r   t w o

it doesn't matter who you are - or what you stand for
it's not about your conquests or your fears, regrets
your accomplishments - or your mistakes
none of that

it's about your intention, your integrity
in your willingness to let go of everything toxic
losing the baggage
ah, like

right here - right now

light as air 
and away we go 


"a lie cannot live"

Martin Luther King

i think she's trying to send me a signal

yes - up there ... see her - you

"mommy - i'm right here
over here - i'm cold mommy!"
"I didn't lie - promise - ah shit
ok maybe once but

it wasn't my

"i'm ready to come home now
do you read me?  over"


mommy - daddy
where are you
i'm lost 

all those promises
you made
what happened

where is my little girl 
she's lost - gone


h e a l e r   t w o

I love swimming  
it's all about knowing
you're still out there


sometimes a good 'shake-up'
can be a beautiful thing

you're upside down and then
you are right side up